well the jokes on me because apparently after years of cocktail infused nights of contemplating relationships and why love sucks, i still SUCK BALLS AT LIFE.

starting with... sabotaging my current sort-of-relationship by waking up new guy in the middle of the night to double check if he's got something on the side. because apparently i dont trust ANYONE. his response in a nutshell?? well, how could i have someone on the side when you take up 1,000 percent of my time?

yea... awesome.


except what i really wanted to say was: i like you. i feel insecure. tell me you like me.

NOT: i dont trust you. you are a sucky new guy. let me interrogate you in the middle of the night.


Example 2:
today is X's birthday.
In the spirit of that SVU episode when munch says the last thing he said to his father before he committed suicide was "i hate you", i decided to send a " have a rad birthday!" text to X.

In my head this makes sense. I'm sure the three of you reading this will roll your eyes at the thought of me thinking anything pleasant about X, but the truth is, i don't wanna die thinking that people think i hate them.
I don't hate X. i never will.

well silly me, because my happy birthday text got this in response: "one day, i will say what i want to you".

ummmm.... what?!


what i really want to say is this:

i dont want to fight anymore.
I dont want you to think i hate you.
i dont want you to hate me.
can't we just get to that place where we can drink scotch and look back on those silly college days and thing, gosh, we were two crazy kids who couldn't seem to get it right.

or... you are no longer my lover, but i still love you... in the way that divorced couples who get along can still share a drink and talk about how much they love their kids?

why can't i just say that?