I realized this afternoon that I haven't left my house in 3 days. Not even to get the mail.
This is how I have always been. Without work to go to, or someone specific to see, I find it easy to spend time alone. I don't even notice it's happening until several days have past and I realize that i'm wearing the same grey sweatpants.

I have been feeling....off.

I know that I have some mental health disabilities, and I haven't been to therapy in several months. However, I don't think I need therapy to live happily. I do, however, require a few basic things to make it through the day. No one likes the winter time, but the lack of sunshine has been extremely difficult for me this winter. The funny thing is that I wouldn't necessarily consider myself a miserable person. I just want freedom to do what i want, to have the people i care about close by, and some decent weather.

A few days ago I dreamt that I had a baby. It was the coolest kid ever that never cried and was happy all the time. I didn't know who the father was. I was still in college, and I was happy being a mother. In real life, kids scare the shit out of me.

I studied psychology in college, and believe strongly in the messages that dreams contain. This is up for debate in the scientific world, but to me, I feel ready to start my life, because right now I don't feel like i'm living it. (And no, im not for a second implying that i want kids).

I guess i'm going to leave the house and go somewhere now because that's what you have to do.

photo via knightcat. I don't know who she is, but fuck do i want a spot like that to hang out on.