i'm starting to feel very lost. yesterday started out good, and then went downhill. i'm just not going to think about it anymore. i haven't heard from X since the texts, and i'm starting to feel sad and lonely. why is this the case? we're not together anymore, and he doesn't have to check in with me every day. However, i realized that i have gotten used to us talking daily, and it feels weird.
being the neurotic that i am, i discussed my current situation with a good friend yesterday during the bbq. she had some valuable advice: sometimes, when you start to feel like everything is out of control, you just need to take yourself out of it, realize that the earth is billions of years old, and that we only get to live for 100 of those years (tops). then it's time to think about what you REALLY want to do. i often feel like i'm waiting for something. waiting for life to figure itself out, or for someone to call me back, or for the weather to get better. what is the point of waiting around all the time, when you can just live?

this makes me think about everytime i think "why is this happening to me?" because the truth is, it's not happening to me, i'm just letting it happen.
this seems to be exacerbated by me calling and texting a bunch of people, and no one responding. ugh! it takes two seconds to reply to a text. i may have texted him last night, only for him not to respond. blech.