made creamy polenta with pancetta and broccoli rabe. courtesy of michael chiarello. is he or isn't he? that is the question.

talked with X on g-chat for a while yesterday, also got 2 emails from him.
i know it's nice, and i get to feel like someone loves me, but this is totally fake, and even i know it through my delirious haze. why are we emailing everyday? i understand why I'M doing it (because i have a difficult time moving on, and am self destructive when it comes to relationships).
However, i have trouble understanding him. Thus begins the cycle of us "being friends", which i have been through many a time, only for us to hook up with each other, say how much we love each other, and then i cry, he gets quiet, and then i ignore him for a week, blablablablabla.

i actually thought we were gonna be friends post-grad, but we have already started our goodbyes during these daily chats with "i miss you so much". i know i say that to my friends who are platonic, but i'm not convinced he does.
Oh dear god, what would kristin do?