ugh, I am very very sick. It's my own fault for trying to work late nights and then go out after, resulting in too many sleepless nights followed by long days of work. It's been good though. Two jobs aint that bad. I'm sure after another month of this though, i will become sick of it.

The good thing about working so much/attending weekly yoga/drinking so much good wine is that I have BARELY thought of X's existence. This has been made especially easy since he had been traveling in the woods somewhere far away from me for the past month.
except....

I assume he's back because I got home from work today tired, sniffling, and changing into my PJ's when i see that in my haste to leave this morning I left my gmail up. There is one missed gchat message... from you know who.

My heart sank. Of course it was funny. of course it was a little sassy. i really don't need this now. I'm sick, i'm working odd hours, and i'm trying REALLY REALLY hard to be ok.

a few days ago, i was having a sweet catch up chat with one of one of our mutual friends. let me re-phrase this: his best friend, and one of my closest guy pals. the three of us used to hang out all the time. this mutual friend Z commented that in the world X cares about 3 people: himself, another bro from his childhood and me. I told Z I was just too exhausted with all the bullshit to be his friend right now, and it's true. The way I feel right now is how I feel about our entire relationship. If you burn the candle on both ends for so long, you will eventually come down with a temp, and wanna just fucking throw the towel in.

in conclusion, im not going to respond or send a message back. He can figure it out all by his lonesome that I need a fucking break.

The.Baddest.Bitch.In.Town

NicholasK.

some of my favorite things as of right now:

-matt and kim
-season 3 of HIMYM
-sweaters
-croissants

so for the two people who read this blog, and may be wondering... i have been doing quite well.
ive been working, drinking some vino, doing some cooking, and discovering how much i love photography ever since i made friends with the guy at the camera store who fixed my 15 year old 35mm.

i havent talked to X since he went away, and it really truly is for the best. While i do sometimes think of him, i no longer jump everytime my crackberry vibrates thinking it might be him. I can actually sleep through the night without nightmares, and ive gotten back into reading my mystery books outside in the sun. maybe i'm not in a relationship, but im finding time for myself which i havent truly done in about 3 years. it feels wonderful.

listening to my large billie holiday collection, preparing to bbq rosemary crusted shrimp skewers, drinking the coffee, and doing some gardening today.

to my lovely sister E, it was great seeing you this past weekend. i love you lots.

some photos finally got developed. i miss a dark room.

(since i don't have a camera, and my 35mm is in the shoppe for repairs, i figured the next best thing was a pic. of mario batali's crocs. via his website.)

potato croquettes, modified from 3 diff. recipes, and heckling by my mother who claims i "didn't do them like nona":

about 5 waxy yellow potatoes, peeled and cut into cubes. Boil until fork tender.
-put potatoes through a ricer into the hot pot used for boiling. Add 3 tb.'s of real butter.
-add about 1/3 cup milk, or more if needed, turn on the heat and wait until milk starts to froth.
-turn of heat, and mix well.
-add 1/2 cup grated parmegianno. stir.

let cool.

-add a large handful of thinly chopped prosciutto, small handful chopped parsley, dash of nutmeg, and a little salt and pepper
-add 1 egg
-form mixture into little patties, coating with flour. shake off excess flour.

-in a large deep pan, fill with vegetable oil until 1/4 inch high up the sides of the pan.
-fry in batches until golden brown on all sides.
-place fried patties on plate with paper towel to soak up the excess oil
-yummy. enjoy. mangia.

A gigantic tomato from my garden. i'm thinking i should eat it raw.
i've been cooking a lot. cooking to me is a mixed bag. i love it, and it makes me calm, but it is also a very emotional process. this must be from my heritage. no matter, i decided to go back to the roots. I made potato croquettes with prosciutto. yummy. however, i made too much, and spent the next day sneaking cold snacks from the fridge. Now i know why my mother doesn't make them. Also standing over a pan deep frying cheesy potatos arent exactly healthy either.

On the topic of food, I recently discovered the best thing ever at the restaurant where I work: free glass of wine at the end of your shift. It has been a life long dream to become extremely knowledgeable about wine, and so I figured this is pretty much my chance. I can taste whatever I want for free.

Now, i need to figure out how to make the fresh fig and gorgonzola pizza they make...

downloaded more beirut and matt and kim.