some thoughts on birth control:

i am loosing weight, i feel tired ALL THE TIME no matter how much coffee i drink, my sex drive has disappeared and i often feel nauseous. I'm thinking that the birth control that i went on after i had some ovarian troubles back in july is fucking with me and it culminated in a tremendous breakdown friday night.

i had to wait for a table for an hour and hadn't eaten all day (strike two, i turn into a monster when im hungry), and picked a fight with new guy, and called bestie for advice crying hysterically.

i actually had a light-bulb moment as i cried and screamed at new guy over.... there was no reason... i heard myself in my head saying: you are fucking crazy, why are you acting like this?

but i couldn't stop. it was beyond my control. the next day was my good friend's birthday, and somehow in talking with a few of her friends who i have never met, the conversation turned to birth control, and one announced that it ruined her life. just like that.

"Birth control ruined my life".

something's in the water (or in a pack of little pills) because every girl i have talked to recently has complained that her birth control is making her feel like crap, and she can't possibly stay on it forever. as one friend said to me: "condom's suck, but not as much as this" (she is in a monogamous long term relationship fyi).


i feel better. except only a little bit better because i still feel cranky, emotional and crazy.

Which leads me to wonder why with all of the technology we have, birth control still manages to ruin my life (and apparently other young ladies' lives as well).

how do we feel about male birth control? yea, i wouldn't trust any man with my own body. so that settles that.

and i yearn for the days when my biggest health worry was "do i look ok in this bikini cuz im going on vacation?"
apparently i hear it goes downhill from here.

The madre is going to a cousin's wedding tonight, so i accompanied her to le nail salon for a mani/pedi combo (STAT). While reading the invariable combination of romance/fitness/beauty and all around "woe is me i'm a woman" magz, i actually saw a really great article in SELF about anxiety and depression in women.

included here is another article via their website on stress: http://www.self.com/health/2009/03/how-to-get-a-grip-on-stress

Anyway, women apparently have decided that their debilitating stress and anxiety is just normal and part of "having it all". This is not the case, second shifters. After a brief quiz taken on how we cope with stress, i discovered that i take blame for things that go wrong instead of accepting them and moving on. Hmmmm... sounds familiar?
This is not an overnight quick fix that one measly article will cure. However, this is an idea that is extremely valuable and necessary if i want to live life, instead of hiding from it. Isn't that one of the stages of grief?
Denial, Anger, Sadness, Acceptance... Hunger?