sup. long time no talk.
im pretty much done with this blog for many reasons.
1. being it started out as a way for me to vent, and most of the things i was venting about aren't important to me anymore. (i.e. X)
2. i haven't been inspired.
3. im seriously thinking about starting something new. (w/ friends, etc.)
4. i want to write about things that people care about, not just my personal agenda.

so, until i figure it out, happy summer !

adorable

I have been mulling over whether to write about something crappy that happened, and i figured i might as well....

i have reason to believe that new guy's roomate is cheating on his girlfriend. this has caused many a heated conversation with new guy because i believe firmly in the girl code, while he firmly believes in 'don't ask, don't tell'.... meaning: i feel extremely saddened and upset over this development and new guy basically gives a shrug, and 'it's none of our business'.

EXCEPT it sort of becomes someone else's business when it's under your nose.

Which brings me to this question:

does new guy's indifference stem from

a) he doesn't think its a big deal
b) he really doesn't want to get involved in other people's drama the way i apparently am drawn to it like rupaul to disco
c) he is trying not to throw his bro under the bus.... bro code?
d) he himself is cheating and doesn't want to continue to talk about this infirmary topic

i discussed this with a friend because it is causing me to loose my cool. and it boils down to i need to trust him. if his friend is a piece of shit, i can't assume the law of transference.

i am beginning to learn that with girls, you speak up at any noticeable flaw.
with guys, you pound it out and turn the other cheek.

updates to come i guess....

oh, and don't worry, i casually mentioned that i would cut his balls off if he does the same.

some thoughts on birth control:

i am loosing weight, i feel tired ALL THE TIME no matter how much coffee i drink, my sex drive has disappeared and i often feel nauseous. I'm thinking that the birth control that i went on after i had some ovarian troubles back in july is fucking with me and it culminated in a tremendous breakdown friday night.

i had to wait for a table for an hour and hadn't eaten all day (strike two, i turn into a monster when im hungry), and picked a fight with new guy, and called bestie for advice crying hysterically.

i actually had a light-bulb moment as i cried and screamed at new guy over.... there was no reason... i heard myself in my head saying: you are fucking crazy, why are you acting like this?

but i couldn't stop. it was beyond my control. the next day was my good friend's birthday, and somehow in talking with a few of her friends who i have never met, the conversation turned to birth control, and one announced that it ruined her life. just like that.

"Birth control ruined my life".

something's in the water (or in a pack of little pills) because every girl i have talked to recently has complained that her birth control is making her feel like crap, and she can't possibly stay on it forever. as one friend said to me: "condom's suck, but not as much as this" (she is in a monogamous long term relationship fyi).


i feel better. except only a little bit better because i still feel cranky, emotional and crazy.

Which leads me to wonder why with all of the technology we have, birth control still manages to ruin my life (and apparently other young ladies' lives as well).

how do we feel about male birth control? yea, i wouldn't trust any man with my own body. so that settles that.

and i yearn for the days when my biggest health worry was "do i look ok in this bikini cuz im going on vacation?"
apparently i hear it goes downhill from here.

via altamiranyc? more from this chic.... love it

Made Alton Brown's fudge-y, rich, awesome brownies the other night:
(he calls them cocoa brownies)

oven at 300.

butter and flour an 8-inch pan.

whisk together 4 eggs until light yellow.
add 1 cup sifted sugar. add 1 cup sifted brown sugar (i used dark brown, which was hard to sift).
add 2 sticks melted butter, 1 1/4 cups sifted cocoa, 2 teaspoons vanilla, 1/2 cup sifted flour, pinch salt (he called for 1/2 teaspoon, i used a bit less).

mix all together, pour into pan, bake for 45 min until the center is no longer liquid. i had to cook mine for another 15 minutes or so. insert a toothpick into the center to be sure.


i don't crave sweets. I want salt all the time, but this really did the trick.
speaking of sweets, does anyone else feel slightly violated after watching nigella lawson cook?

here, i'll show you:



i thought about making this, but then couldn't care enough to get into my silky black pajamas.