ok, rant of the day... you know you need a vacation when you look out your window and it looks like this:


YES, i went outside and took pictures of the freakin snow storm from hell aka all of january in new england.






which is only so robert frost until you see this:

Time to talk about the new boy. What shall we call him? Not A, because, well... that's me (and it's all about me, isn't it).

Maybe R, as is a play on his nickname... Ramen? Almond Joy? His name rhyms with both.

Things are good, but as every post before this has proven, there is a time when someone will disappoint me. Not to be a negative Nancy, but that time already happened.
He made a bad impression on my friends. He wants to have a re-do dinner with all of us that will be better than the last time (re: he showed up drunk following happy hour with his co-workers), but im wary. If it doesn't go well the 2nd time, then i'll be forced to re-evaluate this situation, and I don't feel like re-evaluating right now. It's going too well besides this snafu.

It's going really really well.

I could fall down the black hole of being a hot mess right now but i wont.

dam you hormones for making me fucking crazy this week.

via agent provocateur.

i don't care what anyone says. wearing kick ass undies makes you stand a little taller. this weather blows.

because im in such a good mood, and not hung over for the first time in 3 days, i will now present my long over-due recipe for queso.

made this weekend with the ladies.
made more enjoyable while drinking beer and watching the craigslist killer.

2 tb. butter (duh)
2 tb. flour
roughly 1 cup WHOLE MILK
1 1/2 cups SHARP cheddar
some salt and pepper
spicy salsa


melt the butter in a small pot.
stir in the flour, and whisk together until a blonde colored paste forms.
slowly whisk in the milk.
heat until thickened. should be able to coat the back of a spoon.

(this is a basic rue. for Yummy Mac and Cheese add a cup of cheddar, 1/2 cup gruyere, salt, pepper and nutmeg to taste. stir in cooked pasta, add to a baking dish, cover with breadcrumbs and bake for around 30 minutes until brown at 375).


for the Queso:

stir in the cheese, salt, pepper and salsa. turn off the heat. add more cheese and/or salsa to taste.
serve with chips.

nom nom nom...

sup.

arrived home last night from what was essentially spring break part II, but instead of bikinis there were suits and instead of pina coladas, there were vodka tonics.

i find it interesting to be so in love with a city that isn't my own. this has also fueled my fire to move to somewhere new when the time is right.
don't get me wrong, i'm actually in a good place right now. i really love my job, even when i come home and need a glass of wine.
i have found a neighborhood bar here, and some people to go out with. still gots my city buds too. M, if you are reading, don't move away !

I've been slow in chronicling my newest boy interest, and i don't think i will for a while. while on vacation the past few days, i didn't say much to my friends, only that i really like him. it's been a few weeks now, and while i was gone, i honestly missed him.

this post isn't about a boy though, as it usually is.
this is about my friends.
we are growing up now, and are in very different places for the first time. no longer do we live in a college dorm together, or the same state even.
it feels really good to know that the same people who you hung out with at 18 are up for a road-trip this past weekend.
it was really fun.

more fun than before though, because no one needs a fake ID.

I had what they call the breakthrough.


a few weeks ago, i called X. I don't know why. there was no reason. I just felt like i needed to.
we talked, and of course as always, it was followed by multiple heart-wrenching emails and two hour talks late at night.

i was planning on visiting some college friends next week. X was a big factor in this. we were excited. I thought maybe i could feel closure? something? happiness?

i was at work tonight, g-chatting during a particularly slow portion of the news, and my friend asks if i was planning on seeing him. i said yes, we had some things we needed to talk about face to face.

she seemed cautious. i asked her why. she told me she heard he had been sleeping with underclassmen at our alma mater.
pulling his charm probably on some drunk sophomore at a party.

i have never wanted a weave to pull out before. tonight was a night of firsts i guess.
i was at work dammit! how the fuck was i supposed to deal with this?

I called my rational best guy friend and he listened patiently as i spewed profanities.

He gave me the best advice i could have ever gotten. he said i needed to be the calmest ive ever been. i needed to call up and rationally explain that i couldn't come.

and i did it.

I called him up and simply said:
listen, i value being honest, so i'm going to be honest with you. I know you've been sleeping around, and it initially made me really mad. then i thought about it and we've been broken up a while, and it really doesn't matter.
what does bother me is that when i come home, im gonna be by myself and i'm gonna have to be prepared for how im going to feel. I don't feel that i can handle coming to visit, and i want you to respect it.

he didn't have anything to say. he was completely silent. i asked him calmly if he had anything he wanted to say. he said he was going to hold his tongue, and that he was going to respect my decisions.

because at the end of the day, there is no one there but me. yes, maybe one day i might find another great love. maybe ill meet someone great. perhaps he will never come and i will die at 23. that's why its not about him. it's my fucking life goddamit. If i can't take care of myself, i aint got nothing.
so thats what i did.
i decided to take better care of my body. because how can i expect someone else to respect it if i cant?